The Autobiography of Aslam Sher Khan
By Matin Khan, Allied Publishers, 1982
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Loss Of My Manhood | I couldn't control my anger anymore. "Fuck off," I shouted. "Fuck the hell out of here." She stood there silent for a moment and yelled back, "You are a sissy who revels in self-pity. Such sons of bitches don't even have guts to accept what they have." I took her in my arms and said, "I will make you scream." |
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ne
evening, I was walking around aimlessly in the Olympic Village, kicking the dust
in frustration. Suddenly she came up from behind and asked if she could walk
with me.
I didn't know her name, and didn't care to find out either. She used to sit through all of our matches, nagging me with her barricading. I shrugged my shoulders and walked ahead.
"It's a beautiful sunset, isn't it," she asked, adding, "don't you like sunsets?"
"My day begins when the sun sets," I replied unconsciously.
"You must be liking the moon a lot," she said.
I reacted sharply to her banter. "I don't like anything, that moon, this earth, you." I was fed up of being polite. "Everything in this world in which we live and in which we die and in which we struggle is superficial.
She replied sharply, "Are you gonna remain oystered in self-pity all your life? Do you hear others, or do you only keep hearing yourself? Have you ever tried to like anything at all? Like daybreak? Like life? Like me? Hear me, see me, touch me, smell me, feel me."
I couldn't control my anger anymore. "Fuck off," I shouted at her. "Just fuck the hell out of here."
She stood there silent for a moment and yelled back, "You are a sissy who revels in self-pity. Such sons of bitches don't even have guts to accept what they have."
I wanted to teach her that I had the guts to accept what I had, like her at the moment. I took her in my arms and said, "I will make you scream." My breath was coming in short gasps and my blood was pounding at my temples due to the feminine proximity that I had never known before.
At that moment, I didn't give a damn to father's dictum that sex and sports do not go together, or to the tenets that my mother believed in.
She said, "You are tense and tired and need someone to take care of you." And I let her take care of me that night.
This was destiny's way of welcoming my entry into manhood.
The Party Girls